Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
