If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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