Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
