I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
