Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
