Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
