I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize