Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
