I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were trust falling into bushes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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