quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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