So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
