I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
