god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
birth control should be required to get into college
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
