yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
