I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize