Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
