I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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