Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
