I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am available for nakedness
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
