Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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