he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
