life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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