How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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