halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize