my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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