They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
