My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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