i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
