dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
