How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
as a side note pls kill me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
