you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
