dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
