I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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