Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
