umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
