My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
