If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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