shes about as inviting as chlamydia
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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