I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
