You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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