you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
