I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
