is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
