Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
