i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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