I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
