I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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