I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
