I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
