DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
