Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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