Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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