what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
