so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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