I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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