Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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