there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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