Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
