is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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