And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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