He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
