i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
