apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
