Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
