do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
