I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
