please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
