every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
