I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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