i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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