it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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