what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My feet surprised me
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