my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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