I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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