so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
