just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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