we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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