If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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