You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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