That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
