I faked an abortion last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
