I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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