im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so let's talk penis.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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