FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize