Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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