areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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