Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
