If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Welp...herpes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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