Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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