You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
