Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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