Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
