Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
