absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
