I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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