saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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