My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize