I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
not ubering you a puppy
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
