you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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