...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
